mama worries

my kids love to snuggle. probably because from the moment they were born i spent every moment possible holding them in my arms or carrying them everywhere in a sling or wrap.
every night at bedtime everyone gets snuggle time with mama, even if it is short because i have too much to do before i try to fall asleep.
 these kids are the best huggers. both arms squeeze tight around my neck, holding on for dear life.
 it hurts my heart to think this will end someday. they won’t want to hug on their mama.

i worry if anything every happened to me would someone be the same mama i try to be for them.

would they know all the things that make us work.

would they know that george is sensitive and this is a strength. he cries if he feels that he has hurt someone, especially me. that he just needs a few extra minutes of attention to feel ok. he gets sad if you leave him too long while you are trying to pack the car and he thinks maybe you might leave him. he told me tonight he had a dream that i left him in the car when i was in the middle of driving and he got scared. i feel like i have failed him sometimes to make him feel more safe from abandonment and so i will continue to reassure him.

if he had a “tough love” mama it would not work well

would they know what makes my kids laugh… things i do that instantly stop a temper tantrum in it’s tracks.

would they know that when gus grabs around my neck it means he wants to just put his face against mine and do sort of a face snuggle.
or that when he runs to the baby gate between the kitchen and den and says, “go” he wants to ride his tricycle around the house. he is my gently giant. he gives amazing hugs and sweet kisses, but he is the daredevil of the group and you can’t leave him for too long.  he also has amazing intuition, i think, because he always knows when i need an extra hug or sometimes he will just come up and pat my back as if to say, “it’s ok mama.”

would they know that gracie just needs to be held sometimes if she is fussy. she cries if she is hungry, wet or lonely. that is ok by me, since i know she is my last baby. i could hold her forever and never put her down if i had my way. she just wants to nuzzle my neck and it makes her feel secure and happy.

all the thousand little things I know about them. 

what about at night. would they get up with them a few times each night and snuggle them until they fall asleep again because they had a bad dream.

i hope they would.

what makes me really sad is knowing that someday they won’t need me. my whole life all i wanted to be was a mama and when that job is over and they are grown, i don’t know what i will do with myself. i am a caretaker and healer-type soul. i guess i will figure that out later.

nobody wins

This gallery contains 4 photos.

do you know that song by radney foster “nobody wins?” well, it is about a couple fighting but also fits perfectly today for me and my two boys. so much so, that when my parents call and say, “do you want to take the kids out and meet us for some f… Continue reading

on my own…

I am on my own with 3 kids for a solid 3 weeks. so far it has been interesting and it has only been 24 hours. there has been mild blood shed (me and the 2 yr old) and no tantrums. i see this as a good accomplishment.

the biggest deal is making sure everybody is safe and fed on time- mostly the newborn. i sit on the couch and nurse her and her brothers snuggle her and rub her head. 

luckily they both adore her and have shown no signs of jealousy. i pay a lot of attention to the boys so i think this helps. my kids are pretty loving. i think it is because i raise them like that line in a movie called “My Life”. something about raising kids by just marinating them in love until they are really juicy.  it seems to work. i am always snuggling and hugging on my kids and they seem to be really loving in return and towards each other…. or at least when i tell them to stop hiting each other they kiss and hug to make up.


the picture of the three of them only happened because the 2 yr old was still half asleep.

kid pics

i have noticed that it is almost impossible to get all three of the kids in the same photo… exibit A:


it is really the middle kiddo that is not willing to go along with this project…


here is the best i can do… “nobody touch anybody else!”


the site moving…


saving money… moved my site to posterous since it is free …. really liking it.  loving being a mom to three awesome kiddos and really loving my new baby girl. she is one month old and completely adorable!

more pictures to come when i am not wrangling the busy 2yr old with one arm and trying to nurse the baby girl in the other arm.